


Keep Your Friends Close & Your Enemies Closer

by Andyoudidthisforwhat



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Anger, Angst, Anxiety, Arguing, But secretly love each other, Drug Abuse, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Female!Reader - Freeform, Fluff, Insecurity, Jealousy, Medium Burn, Reid and Reader hate each other, Romance, Self Esteem Issues, Self Insert, Sex, Smut, literally every genre, mild violence as seen in the show
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-03
Updated: 2020-09-03
Packaged: 2021-03-06 14:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 13,725
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26040649
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Andyoudidthisforwhat/pseuds/Andyoudidthisforwhat
Summary: Ever since you joined the BAU, Spencer Reid has hated you. He’s practically your worst enemy. Or is he?
Relationships: Spencer Reid & Reader
Comments: 28
Kudos: 32





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I’m an absolute sucker for the whole “reader and Reid hate each other but end up dating” thing, so naturally, I had to write my own. Not sure how I feel about it yet since it’s so different from anything I’ve wrote. For the sake of the story, we’re gonna pretend the whole Lila Archer case didn’t happen. This takes place in season 3 and that’s gonna be important to know later on. Also this is different from my last self insert fic because it’s actually written in 2nd person. That’s all. Enjoy.

It was your first day at the BAU. The place you’d been dreaming of working at for years now and you finally made it. You didn’t just get hired into any small position either, you were an SSA. A profiler on the Unit Chief’s team aka the most elite team. You were now among the best profilers at the ripe age of twenty two. You were a brilliant and hard working young girl. You flew through your psychology major and get a doctorate degree extremely early, being only twenty two years old. Not to mention you graduated at the top of your class. 

For the past few months, you’d been training and taking qualification exams at the FBI academy. You’d already met one of your team members, Derek Morgan, since he’d been teaching you. In that time you developed a friendship. He also gave you a heads up of what to expect at the BAU and told you about all of your soon-to-be coworkers. 

Now you found yourself coming down from SSA Hotchner’s office to finally meet your team. You looked like you came straight from a fashion catalog. Your y/h/c hair was curled to perfection and your make up was done beautifully. You wore a white, mock neck sweater with a tight plaid skirt and a pink blazer. You were accessorized from head to toe yet still very professional looking. You heals clicked as you walked down the steps in to the bullpen.

“Everyone, this is Dr. Y/N Y/L/N, our newest agent.” Hotch said. “I expect you all to make her welcome.” 

You shook hands and introduced yourself to each member of the team. They all questioned your age and of course you told them your story. They were all so kind. You already loved them. A woman wearing a bright pink and purple dress with a lot of flashy jewelry came in to the room. You assumed this was the famous “baby girl” you’d heard so much about. 

“Oh my god, you must be the new girl. You’re so gorgeous wow, it’s so nice to meet you I’m Penelope Garcia.” She pulled you in for a hug and you just laughed. “Oh you’re going to love it here, if I woulda known you were coming today I would’ve baked something for you.” 

The bubbly woman continued with her greeting for a while but you didn’t mind. You totally loved her energy and kindness. You’d now met the whole team except for one person. You looked around the room to see where he might be and you found him. Dr. Spencer Reid, the man you couldn’t wait to meet.

Morgan had told you all about him. He told you how he was a genius, the smartest man he’d ever met. He said how Reid had the kindest heart and was the nicest guy you’d ever meet. Morgan explained how the two of you had so much in common and how you “would get along great”. You’d practically been dying to meet Reid for a while. Now that you’ve seen how attractive the young doctor was, you were even more excited to meet him. Apparently the feeling wasn’t mutual though. The so called “nice” Dr. Reid wanted absolutely nothing to do with you, considering he didn’t even feel the need to introduce himself. Instead of coming up with the rest of the team, he was setting back at his desk just staring. Morgan did tell you he was shy though, maybe that’s all it was, he was just nervous.

After finishing your welcomes with the rest of the team, you decided to make your way over to the curly haired man. Your desk was right beside of his anyways. Your eyes were beaming with excitement and the smile you wore was warm yet cheerful. 

“Hi, you must be Dr. Reid, it’s a pleasure to meet you.” You stuck your hand out to shake his but he just sat there and stared blankly. 

“I don’t shake hands.” He sounded cold and returned to his paper work after he said that, it was sorta rude but you brushed it off.

“Oh, sorry. Anyways, I’m Dr. Y/L/N but you can just call me Y/N. If you didn’t know already, I’m new to the team.” You still had that friendly manner despite what he just did.

“I did know.” He said without even looking up from his paper. He was completely uninterested in your presence. He didn’t even attempt to fake niceness. So far he was nothing at all like what Morgan had described. 

“Okay.” You laughed nervously and sat down at your new desk. You felt incredibly embarrassed now. Maybe you were just to eager to meet him? He is a profiler after all, so he probably could sense it from a mile away. Profiling. Right. That’s your job too. You could profile him, it’s not technically the best thing to to do but it’ll help you be friends with him. The last thing you’d want is to have a coworker already dislike you on your first day.

Starting with the obvious. All of the books in his bag was a clear indicator that he liked to read. Judging by the size of the books and the broad variety, from fiction to books mathematics, he really loved to read. You overheard his conversations with others where he’d just spit off statistics like a walking google (it was kinda hot). So he’s not just a genius but a total sucker for learning anything and everything he can. That information was good enough for you for now. 

The tall, skinny man was over at the kitchenette making himself coffee when you decided to approach him again. 

“I see you’re reading War and Peace. I read that in college and I really liked it.”You said as you stood beside him and poured yourself a cup of coffee. 

“I’m rereading it, actually.” He corrected you and then walked away. You guessed that wasn’t such a good conversation starter after all. 

Maybe it was weird that you were looking at what he was reading. Maybe you shouldn’t be so desperate to impress him, especially when he’s known you for only a few hours. Or, maybe it has nothing to do with you. Maybe he’s just a dick. You hoped not but the thought still entered your mind anyways. You decided just to leave him alone for the rest of the day. He’ll warm up to you eventually.

* * *

Fast forward four months and Reid definitely did not warm up to you. He most certainly hated you. Now the two of you were engaged in a never ending feud.Every day you constantly butt heads. Insults were always fired between the two of you and the arguing never ceased. It’s not your fault, you didn’t start this. You can’t help that Reid is a complete dick and you just happen to react to it in an immature way. 

It didn’t matter though. You’d become particularly close with the rest of the team anyways. Morgan was like the big brother you never had and JJ was a sister. Prentiss quickly became one of your best friends, Garcia did as well. Rossi was like a grandpa and Hotch was a second Father. You had great relationships with everyone, you loved them all. Just not Reid. Everyone was aware of your disdain for each other as well. 

You had just made a suggestion that unsub could have a partner. Of course, Reid wanted to pick a fight about it. 

“That’s preposterous. There’s absolutely no evidence pointing towards this being a partnership.” Spencer said hatefully with an eye roll.

“There actually is though, if you’d actually pay attention, you’d notice the difference in the M.O.s between the parents and their children. Also it would’ve been difficult for one person to do all of this. I don’t think we should rule out the possibility.” You we’re trying to keep yourself calm but he was really working your nerves.

“Well I disagree. Considering I have 2 more doctorates than you and I’ve been doing this job a lot longer, I’m more likely to be correct than you are.” His ego infuriated you. Of course he just had to throw his intelligence and success in your face.

“Just because you’re mr. genius, doesn’t mean I’m stupid Reid.” You held back you anger, since everyone on the jet was watching, including Hotch. 

“Didn’t say it did. What I am saying is that you’re just some little girl who walked in to the BAU thinking she’s anywhere near skilled enough to be doing  my job.” Spencer spat out with pure resentment in his voice. 

“Says the guy who failed his fire arms qualifications for two years in a row and couldn’t pass any of the physical exams. You had to have them wavered while I aced them all on the first try, so who’s really the unskilled one here?” You clapped back at him. Your words sent a wave of anger through Reid’s body. The tension on the jet was now suffocating. 

“You’re not as great as you think you are. You’re just a pompous bitch and this team worked perfectly fine before you came along. Now we just have a pretentious little girl getting in our way. You-“

“Reid. That’s enough.” Hotch said sternly and gave him a look that could kill. Reid knew he was in for a lecture whenever the jet landed. “It’s absolutely ridiculous that the two of you bicker like children and say such vile things to each other. I expect you both to start acting professional like the adults you are.” 

You were glad Hotch intervened first, even if he got on to you as well. You weren’t even sure how to respond to what Reid had said anyways. You were pissed and completely stunned at the fact he insulted you in such a way. “Little girl”. The words made you mad just thinking about them. Your age had nothing to do with your ability. He’s the one who is childlike with the way he carries on. What was he? A two year old? You’d worked your ass off to get where you were and saying you were useless to the team is a lie. Hell, you’d only been there a few months and you were already just as good of a profiler as he is. He had no reason to degrade you like that. It was Reid though, it wasn’t the first time he’d tried to cut you down and it wouldn’t be the last. 

Livid and unsure of what to do with yourself in the moment, you got up to go to the coffee machine. You didn’t really want any at the moment but it was better than just setting there in awkward silence from where Reid just absolutely obliterated you. You found it that funny that Reid had the audacity to call you pompous when he’s the one acts like a borderline narcissist. God, you really wanted to hit him in the face. 

“Hey...” Morgan walked up behind you and startled you a bit. “You alright?” 

“Yeah, just kinda pissed. You know his rude ass drives me fucking crazy.”You confessed, Morgan was by far the person you were closest to on the team. It was probably because you spent time with him before you actually started but you were glad he was such a good friend to you. 

“I know.” He sighed, he hated that two of his good friends despised each other so much. Especially when he could see how great they’d be together. “What I don’t know is why he treats you badly. I swear, for all the time I’ve known pretty boy, he’s been the sweetest most, timid kid ever. He never speaks to anyone like that.” 

“I guess my existence just really irks him.” You joked as you sipped your coffee. “Feeling is mutual though.” 

“I could talk to him about it? See what his deal is, talk some sense in to him.” Morgan offered. You thought about it for a moment because Morgan was Reid’s best friend and it’d be nice to finally get an explanation for his behavior. You decided against it though. 

“It’s fine. I genuinely don’t care wether he likes me or not.” You shrugged. It was a lie. You did care, you really did care when you first joined the team. Not so much anymore but deep down, it still got to you sometimes. 

“If you say so, pretty girl.” Morgan said as he played with your hair. 

* * *

The team had just finished up the case, it hit you harder than it did anyone else because for the first time, you faced a violent unsub alone. He was large man, about twice your size and in a state of psychosis. Yet you found yourself fighting him. It was your fault that you were alone, it was your idea to spilt up. You held your own for a while because you knew how to fight (thank god for self defense classes) and you were a particularly strong young woman. Unfortunately though, you ended up in a choke hold with a gun to your head when your team mates found you. Despite how calm you appeared on the outside, on the inside you were panicking about not making it out of this situation alive. Luckily you did, thanks to a shot from swat after the unsub repeatedly refused to lower his weapon. 

You were fine physically other than some bruises. Mentally though, you were shaken up. You weren’t exactly the emotional type and you didn’t get upset easily, but this got to you a little bit. It was all just overwhelming. You were very thankful to be back in the hotel room so you could rest and wrap your head around everything that just happened. You just settling yourself down to relax and watch some TV when there was a knock on the door. You got up to look through the peep hole and it was the last person you’d ever expect. 

“Reid? What do you want?” You questioned in utter confusion. 

“A-are you okay?” He said very softly. He looked at with concern and what seemed to be pity on his face. Who the hell is this and what’d he do with Reid because this sure as hell was NOT the Spencer Reid you knew. 

“I’m perfectly fine, thank you, you can leave now.” Even if you were a bit bothered by what happened, you weren’t going to admit it. You were the type of person who always hid their emotions. 

“Well, I just wanted to make sure you weren’t upset and you felt safe...” he could barely make eye contact with you as he said it, almost as if he was nervous. 

“What do you mean ‘make sure I felt safe’?” 

“Well it’s pretty common to feel frightened about your safety when you’re alone after a traumatic or life threatening event. I’d say everyone on the team has experienced it at one point, including myself. I just thought maybe you’d feel better if someone was with you. Statistics actually show that being alone after these situations is stress inducing.” Reid started rambling, not for as long as he usually did though. Was he insinuating that he wants to stay with you? Yes, he definitely was. What the hell was going on? He hates you. Matter of fact all he ever does is bad mouth you, wanting to give you comfort is completely unlike him. 

You were staring. You didn’t notice you were staring but you totally were, hardcore. You hadn’t said anything back to him yet either. You had completely zoned out till he spoke again.

“Y/N, c-can I come in?” He asked shyly, brushing his hair out of his face. 

“Yeah, I guess so.” You were hesitant but didn’t see the need to be bitchy so you just let it happen. It’s not like he’d stay for that long anyways, right? 

You immediately turned away from him and went to set on the bed once again. You made yourself comfortable and focused on the TV. You were trying to pretend Reid wasn’t there because truthfully, you wished he wasn’t. He tentatively came over and sat beside of you. You tried not to pay attention to him but you could feel the way his eyes were on you. After a few more minutes of awkward silence and his staring, you decided to speak up. 

“What is it? Why are you staring?” You said with an irritated sigh as you finally turned to meet his eyes. 

He paused for a second.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” 

You had honestly forgotten about what happened earlier that night. Reid had you so distracted by his odd behavior that the case slipped your mind for a while. He was kinda helping.

“No, it’s alright. I promise.” You sighed and then replied gently and he gave you a soft smile. 

The two of you just continued to set there in silence, watching TV together. Now though, that silence wasn’t awkward, it was almost peaceful. Reid’s company was actually kinda soothing even though all he did was sit there. There was some small talk here and there,a little laughter even. For some reason, having him by your side felt nice. After about an hour or so, you felt a heavy weight on your shoulder. You looked over to find he’d drifted off to sleep and his head fell on you. You couldn’t help but laugh to your self about it, it almost endearing. Usually the two of you were at each other’s throats but here he was, sleeping on your shoulder as if you were the best of friends. You slowly moved him off of you, careful not to wake him. You then went over to the other bed because your eyes were getting heavy from exhaustion. The last thing you thought before you went to sleep was that maybe Spencer Reid wasn’t so bad.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ever since you joined the BAU, Spencer Reid has hated you. He’s practically your worst enemy. Until something changes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Anddddd here’s chapter 2. I don’t really have a whole lot to say except that I hope you like it!

Never mind. Spencer Reid was definitely that bad. Matter of fact, he’s the worst, most annoying, most infuriating human you’ve ever had the displeasure of meeting. It’s like God made him for the sole purpose of making you miserable.

You woke up to find he left the room while you were still sleeping. You didn’t mind. He may not have been comfortable sharing a room and freaked out. That wasn’t the problem. All day he’d been pushing your buttons. Smart ass remarks here and dirty looks there. If you were somehow in his way, he’d make sure to run you over as if you weren’t even there. On the jet he sat away from you, yet still managed to be a pain in the ass.

“How are ya feelin’ kiddo?” Rossi said as he placed a hand on your shoulder. 

“I’m doing good actually, I was shaken up at first but now I think I’m alright.” You smiled at him. He was always so caring towards you. 

“I bet you were, that was a scary moment for all of us.It’s a damn good thing you know how to fight though, you kicked his ass pretty good.” Rossi laughed and attempted to make light of the situation while complimenting your skills at the same time. 

“I don’t think it’s right to praise her. She needs to be reprimanded. What happened is your fault, Y/N. You should know by now we aren’t supposed to split up. I don’t know how you made it to the FBI when your still so immature.” Reid threw his two cents in and even worse was victim blaming. Great, you’re officially back to how things were even though you thought last night was a peace offering. 

“Reid, nobody asked for your opinion. It’s ‘immature’ to jump into to other people’s conversations.” You were fuming with anger. 

“I’m just saying that bad things happen when you spilt it up. That’s the worst thing you can do, you never go to hunt an unsub alone. You made a stupid decision and put your life in danger. You’ve been taught not to do that over and over, so I personally don’t want to hear you complain when your own stupidity is what got you into the situation.” He was very adamant about this splitting up thing and you were confused as to why he even cared so much. Also you found it hilarious that he said he doesn’t want to listen to you when last night he was saying quite the opposite. 

“Well I don’t want to listen to you go on rants about statistics every five seconds, but yet I suffer through them.” 

“Well you probably just don’t understand what I’m saying. It truthfully amazes me that you have a doctorate because everyday you show how unintelligent you are.” He said smugly. Once again insulting your intelligence. The rest of the team always said it confused them when he degraded you for that. Reid absolutely never flaunted his smarts or acted like he was above anyone because of it.It was only to you and it didn’t make sense, especially since you were also a very smart woman. You were sick of it though, you’d had enough of his constant verbal abuse. 

“You know what? I might not be genius but at least I’m not a twenty six year old who hasn’t had his first kiss. Imagine being that pathetic and unlikable. Nobody ever has or ever will want you Reid.”

The words came out of your mouth viciously. Everyone on the jet went silent and all eyes were on you two. Spencer just stared at you, he was speechless and overwhelming embarrassed. He eventually just looked away and started fidgeting. A smug smirk came across your face. This time you won. 

Morgan accidentally revealed to you Reid was the ultimate virgin a few days ago. At first you were a bit surprised considering he’s kinda attractive (as much as you hate to admit it) and he’s also literally twenty six. What twenty six year old has never kissed anyone? Then you remembered how awkward and odd he can be. Reid had the social skills of a blade of grass. You hadn’t planned on using that information against him, preying on someone’s insecurities wasn’t something you’d typically do. He brought it on himself though, he started it. He shouldn’t dish out what he can’t take. It was justified, right?

You watched him tap his middle and index fingers rhythmically against his palm. It was one of his nervous tics, you’d come to notice he does it quite often. He probably does it because he has some form of anxiety, at least that’s what you’ve speculated. Now that you’re thinking about, why do you pay that much attention to him to even notice it? He started scratching at his inner arm. He was biting his bottom lip and his gaze was stuck on his feet, wait a second- he looked like he was trying not to cry. You started to feel guilty, you just humiliated at him. Yeah he was like, your worst enemy and all but for some reason it pained you to see him like that. You could tell his feelings were genuinely hurt. You shook the guilt ridden thoughts from your brain. You weren’t going to feel sorry for that asshole, you were tired of his bullshit. 

“Maybe this time you let the feuding go a bit too far, don’t ya think?” Prentiss leaned over and whispered in your ear. You knew she was right but you were stubborn as hell and wouldn’t admit it. 

“Nope. It was well deserved. He’ll suck it up.” 

“Come on now, we both know that was a little mean. And we also both know you don’t hate the kid  that much.“ Prentiss cocked an eyebrow at you with a smirk, you knew she was about to tease you. “Actually I kinda think it’s quite the opposite of hate.” 

“Okay maybe what I said was mean but I definitely do  _not_ like Reid, not romantically or as a person in general, therefore, I couldn’t give a shit less about his feelings.” You responded with an attitude. 

“Woah, hey now, calm down sassy pants. All I’m saying is, just this once, you should try to apologize. If you two would just set down like two adults and talk about this, you’d probably be great friends.” Emily sounded like a mother. It was almost funny because she typically never acted like that with you. 

It was also funny that she was defending Reid. Prentiss joined only a few months before you and Reid hadn’t been kind to her at first either. At least he warmed up to her. Your still loathed for whatever reason. Emily’s prodding worked though. She was actually convinced you to let go of your pride some and apologize.

“Okay, fine. I’ll say sorry. For that last part though, it’ll be a cold day in hell before I try to be friends with Reid.” 

Prentiss just laughed and shook her head. You just sat there and unfortunately let your mind wander to that damn doctor. You couldn’t believe he had the nerve to be such an asshole after last night. But did that give you the right to bring up something personal and weaponize it? No. You knew you hurt his self esteem and now felt obligated to build it back up. As much as you didn’t like Spencer, you could tell he was a good guy (just not towards you for whatever reason). Good guys don’t deserve to be put down like that. 

You don’t know where in the hell the idea came from, but you decided to make it up to him, you’d kiss him. Just one meaningless little kiss so that nobody else could make fun of himfor it again. I mean the thought kissing Reid was gross in your eyes but it was kinda like charity, right? It was a nice thing to do and you owe him a nice thing.

* * *

When your flight had landed, you and Reid were the last two members of the team to get off. Once you were sure everyone was a good distance ahead of you guys, you tried to talk to him but he kept ignoring you and walking away as fast as he could. 

“Reid!” 

He grumbled in annoyance and picked up his pace. You slightly jogged after him till you caught up. 

“Reid, I’ve got something I need say.” 

“Well I frankly don’t want to listen to you nor do I want to be around you. Please leave me alone.” He said coldly and it slightly angered you. He had every right to be upset with you, yes, but you wanted him to let you apologize.

“I don’t give a damn if you don’t want to. You’re gonna listen to what I’ve got to say wether you like it or not.” You spat out assertively. He finally stopped and crossed his arms angrily.

“What? What’s so important?” His voice cracked a bit when he spoke.

“Reid, I’m sorry for what I said on the plane. I meant it. It was a dick move. It’s only fair that I make it up to you. So, I’m only going to do this because I feel sorry for you, don’t mistake it for anything else.” You said right before you started inching closer to him, eyes focused on his plump, pink lips. A part of you felt almost excited to do this.

He furrowed his brows, in utter confusion and mumbled a “do what?” so quietly you barely caught it. His breathing started to get heavier as you moved in.

You caressed the side of his face, much to his confusion, then suddenly pressed your lips against his. You began to kiss him gently as you slid your other hand around his waist. You 

felt his entire body tense, probably from the anxiety and the simple fact he that he’s a germaphobe. You finally worked your tongue in to his mouth. You could tell Reid had no clue what he was doing but every second he became more relaxed. He was a fast learner. You started to pull away but to your surprise he leaned right back in and met you with his soft lips once again. You were now tight in his arms, he was holding you close to his chest with one hand as the other ran through your hair. It felt like sparks were flying. Each second the kiss got more passionate. You were completely entangled in each other. 

God, you’d never admit it but you were  enjoying this. Kissing Spencer felt like heaven, it was nothing but pure bliss. Apparently he was loving it too because you felt something hard pressing against you. You hoping it was his gun but no, it was most definitely not.  _Who woulda thought this dork was packing? Ew stop, don’t think about his dick._ You thought to yourself. You remembered this was Spencer Reid that had his boner pressed against you, the guy you hated most. You immediately started to pull away from the intense kiss. The poor kid was still trying to continue but you pushed on his chest to get him to back off.

He stared at you with those huge brown eyes, looking like a deer stuck in headlights. You had no clue how amazed that kid was, he was practically star struck. For once in his life, Spencer Reid was actually speechless. All he could do was stand there while his heart was going a hundred miles an hour. The butterflies in his tummy were going crazy. His cheeks started turning a light pink as he grinned. The poor guy was so entranced by you that he hadn’t even realized his situation below his belt yet. 

“I’m going to go.” You said abruptly and quickly fled from the site. You left Spencer standing there alone, still trying to wrap his head around what happened. You, on the other hand, were weirded out. You couldn’t believe that innocent, little Spencer Reid got hard while kissing you. Hell, it was insane that you guys even made out. It all felt like a fever dream. 

You hadn’t planned on it going like that. You weren’t supposed to enjoy it. You didn’t think you’d actually feel something for him. It wasn’t gross, it was practically perfect. Thoughts of the way his lips felt against yours, kept torturing your mind. All night the only thing occupying your brain was Reid. The way you fit perfectly in his arms. How beautiful his eyes were and the way they sparkled in that moment. How nice his boner felt pressed against you.  STOP IT. You wanted these intrusive thoughts to stop. He’s you coworker but even worse, your enemy. You hated him, he hated you. It was going to stay that way. 

As you fell asleep, you knew what you said to him on the jet was wrong. No matter how much you lied to yourself, no matter how tightly you’d locked those feelings away, deep down  _you_ wanted Spencer Reid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally, I finished chapter 3. Ugh this one was kinda hard to write because I’m bad at fillers. Also this is my first time writing smut so that was hard too. Anyways, I think I made it alright though. Enjoy, loves.

At work the next day, it was like Spencer’s entire demeanor towards you had changed. He was suddenly the nice guy everyone had told you he was. There was no rude remarks, no harassing you, no dirty looks, and he hadn’t tried to pick a single fight. He’d been oddly nice. No, not just oddly nice. Shy, timid. Just like he is towards everyone else except now he’s even more timid around you, stuttering every time he tried to speak to you. He was acting desperate to build rapport with you. Attempting to do you a favor any chance he got or strike up a conversation every so often. You’ve caught him staring multiple points through the day and hell, he even made you a cup of coffee. This was the side of Spencer you’ve never been exposed to and- oh my god. He had a crush. Spencer fucking Reid had a god damn crush on you. You kissed the kid one time out of pity and now he liked you. Shit. 

_ He is really attractive though. And Morgan has always said that we’d would make a great pair.  You thought for a second.  No. No no no. I am absolutely not going to start liking Reid. He’s so weird and awkward..but it’s adorable. Oh my god, no it’s not, stop that. Most importantly, he’s an asshat and one day of him being nice is not going to change how much he disgusts me. _

“Do you want any help with that?” He came up to your desk and gesture towards your stack of files.

“No thanks, I’m perfectly capable of doing this myself.” You said coldly with out even looking at him.

“Are you sure? I could take half of your stack, if you’d like. If I had to estimate, I’d say it would only take me about 23 minutes to do all of it. I really wouldn’t mind.” 

You sighed. “Knock yourself out.” Wow, he was truly being a kiss ass today. You couldn’t decide wether to like it or not. All you knew was that it was strange.

* * *

You walked into a restaurant that night after work, laughing and chatting with your group of best friends. You loved spending time with them and had missed hanging out since all of you had been so busy lately, so we’re excited to be there. As you were being seated by the hostess, you noticed someone across the room setting by themself. Poor thing, it always sucks to see someone eat alone. You couldn’t see really their face at the moment but you still observed them. Clearly a man. Young. Long brown curls. A satchel sitting beside him. Oh my god. You knew exactly who it was. It was Reid. 

An ache shot through your heart as you watched him set in the booth alone. He didn’t look upset, he seemed indifferent actually. In your eyes, that just made it a sadder sight because it showed this was normal for him, he was used to being alone. You’d never really thought about Reid’s social life before. You knew how close he was with everyone on the team but outside of them, you were sure you’d never heard him mention any other friends or family even. The more you thought about it, the more you realized how lonely he is. You couldn’t take your eyes off the long haired man. The sadness you felt for him was overwhelming. Maybe it’s because you knew how it felt, you were all too familiar with loneliness. Even if the two of you didn’t get along, you still wouldn’t wish that feeling on him. So as much as he annoyed you and as much as you hated being around him, you decided to put that aside for one night. 

You excused yourself from the table and made your way towards your coworker. You sat down across from him in the booth but he didn’t notice because he was too busy searching the menu.

“Reid...” You said gently but it still startled him. 

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He exclaimed in a shocked, high pitch voice. 

“I came with my friends and I saw you setting here when I came in. I um-“ You paused for a second. You were almost nervous to ask him but you weren’t sure why. “I was wondering if you’d maybe wanna come sit with us... ”

Your y/e/c eyes were staring into his. He looked puzzled and shocked at the same time. It was as if he didn’t know what to say. Reid was sort of in awe at the kind gesture. He finally broke eye contact and thought about it for a minute. You weren’t sure if he’d say yes because after all, you two don’t have the best history. You also knew how uncomfortable he gets in groups of people, especially strangers. The more you thought about it, the more you worried he’d say no, till he finally answered. 

“Sure” He whispered and gave you a half smile. “Thanks.” 

You lead him to the table where you and your friends had been setting, letting him sit in the extra chair. You introduced him to everyone with a smile, “Guys, this is one of my coworkers, Spencer.” 

* * *

Surprisingly, throughout the night he was tolerable to be around. Reid has stayed pretty quiet most of the time, he was a tiny bit nervous, probably due to the fact he was surrounded by strangers. He was friendly though, laughed here and there, he seemed to actually enjoy himself despite being out of his comfort zone. Honestly you were enjoying yourself too. He didn’t ruin your mood or make things any less fun for you, like you’d been worried about. At one point, your best friend, Y/BFF/N, whispered to you and asked if Reid was the one you “hated so much” and you always complained about. You had to laugh because he in fact was, yet tonight he was hanging out with you. 

When your little dinner came to an end and everyone left, you decided to see Reid out. At first there was just silence as you nonchalantly walked with him following along timidly. Then he spoke up.

“Thank you.” You both stopped and faced each other as he gave you half smile. “For letting me hang out with you and your friends. It was a kind thing to do and I um...I had fun.” 

“It’s no big deal.” You said warmly. 

“Umm you know, today’s a Friday and it’s only 10:38 and um, I-I don’t have anything else to do tonight. So um, i-if you want, you can come to my apartment and we can hangout for while. It’s up to you though, it’s fine if you don’t want to you.” Reid rambled nervously while he played with his hands. He wanted to spend time with you, alone? You were a bit surprised but honestly you kind of wanted to go. Before you even thought about it you spit out your answer. 

“Sure.” 

The biggest smile came across his face. You agreed to just both drive yourselves but you’d follow behind him. As you drove there, you started to think about how you’ve never really spent time with Spencer. You’ve never gotten to know him, matter of fact, the more you thought about it, you realized you didn’t know him very well at all. Neither of you had ever really took the opportunity to until right now. A part of you was excited.

* * *

You followed him into his apartment eagerly but silently. His place was nice but also very much what you’d expect from Spencer. Lots of books and antiques. You felt comfortable there from the second you walked in, you were calm unlike you usually were when you went to a man’s home. Reid on the other hand was not so calm. His heart was beating out of his chest from excitement and nervousness. For a minute, the two of you just stood there, awkwardly smiling at each other without saying anything.

“Do you wanna watch a movie?” He asked, breaking the silence.

“Yeah sure.”

The two of you were setting on the couch,about an hour into to your movie. Truthfully though, you’d been talking more so than paying attention to what was on the screen. It started with Spencer telling you some random fact about one of the scenes and led to the two of you not being able to shut up. You never woulda thought it’d happen but you’d been laughing your asses off together. You were genuinely having a good time with him. In the moment felt like you’d been close for years, like he was someone dear to you.

You don’t know how it happened but you somehow ended up under a blanket with him, his arm was around you while you rested your head on his chest and hand on his stomach. You could hear his heart thumping loudly and his breaths going through his lungs. It felt so intimate yet it was so calming, so peaceful. Why were you cuddling with Spencer Reid? You weren’t exactly sure but you didn’t even care to question it. He was so warm and soft and he made you feel safe. It was strange how well you fit together, like two puzzle pieces.

You looked up to find him already staring at you with that sweet smile. He was blushing heavily and his eyes were sparkling. You smiled back. You couldn’t take your eyes off each other in that moment. Spencer moved his hand to cup your face ever so gently and pulled you up to meet his lips. He kissed you so softly but it was full of affection. It happened so quickly that it took you a minute to even process what he did. You looked at him wide eyed, not knowing what to think or how to react. 

“I’m sorry...I shouldn’t have done that...sorry if I made you uncomfortable.” He muttered embarrassedly and looked down at his hands as he fumbled with them nervously.

You felt bad because you did like it and you wanted him to know it was okay. You couldn’t find the right words so you just used your actions to delay the message. You moved on to his lap and placed a hand on his chest and the other under his jaw as you began to kiss him again. It started slow and gentle but turned passionate, aggressive, and messy. The two of you moved into the bedroom in the process. 

You started to move you lips to his neck, planting kisses all the way down before you got to his collar bone and started to suck. You moved back to his lips shortly after, not wanting to leave too noticeable of a mark on him. Reid ran his hand up through your hair and pushed you faces together even more. You began to reach underneath his shirt to feel his body. You wanted to see it though, you started to pull at the hem of it. You kept trying to break away from the kiss so you could ask him if he was okay with taking his shirt off but he simply would pull back in every time. You tried talking in between breaths

“Reid...” you huffed out. “Do you wanna take your shirt off? Are you okay with it?”

He paused to think about it for a second, breathing very heavily from the action. He particularly self conscious about his body, he didn’t find himself attractive and typically got embarrassed when other people saw. Right now you were staring at him with admiration and were desperate for him which gave him confidence, so he said yes. You smiled and removed your top as he started to pull his cardigan off. You were now in your bra only and he couldn’t take his eyes off your chest. You helped unbutton his shirt and when you finished you planted kisses on his belly as he grabbed your breast.

He was now hard and you could see it through his pants. You kept teasing him with kisses on his tummy, you would get right above his waistband then stop much to his dismay. You kept your taunting going until you remembered Reid was a virgin. If you did anything, this would be his first time. Everything that’s happened so far is his first time.

“Spencer, how far are you wanting to go?” You stopped and asked.

“I wanna do it.” He said eagerly and then bit his lip. 

“Are you sure? You don’t have to if you’re not ready.” 

“I’m sure. I want you. Please, Y/N.” Reid desperately pleaded. You couldn’t help but grin, you wanted him too. 

“Alright. Beg first.” You demanded.

“What?” He said in confusion.

“Beg, Reid. I wanna hear how desperate you are for me. Tell me how bad you want me then maybe I’ll fuck you.” You insisted once again in a domineering tone. There was no way you were going to pass up the opportunity to play with him like this. You couldn’t help yourself, you had to. 

“I want it. Please.” 

“Please what, Reid? Say it.” 

Spencer usually never used profanity but in this moment he was a whole new man, a horny, desperate one. “Please, Y/N, fuck me. I want inside of you. Do it however you want, just fuck me.” 

“Good boy.” You smirked as pushed him down on the bed.

You unzipped his pants and pulled them off as well as his underwear. He was quite large, exactly like you had imagined. You grabbed it and licked the tip slowly causing him to to let out a small gasp. You started sucking and he began to moan. He was so big you had to use you mouth and hand. Not too long later, you felt ready enough and took it out of your mouth. 

You pulled your pants and wet panties down and positioned yourself to where you could easily slip his dick in you. You pushed him down on the bed forcefully and began to rock your hips at a quick pace. You brought your hand to his neck and began to choke him. Reid was tightly grasping on to the bed sheets as he barely managed moaned your name. You were now panting and started to make noise because of how good his huge cock felt pressed against your walls. You let go of him and just kept pushing passionately. Then it was like something suddenly possessed him when Reid flipped you over and started thrusting aggressively into you. He pulled on your hair and you dug your nails into his back trying to grab on to him. He was going so hard it was slightly painful. He was so large and so forceful, you knew it would hurt to walk afterwards. God how you loved it. You were now screaming his name. You had finished right before he pulled out. He laid down on his back and let his cum spill out all over his stomach. Spencer Reid just gave you the best sex you’ve had in a long time .

* * *

You woke up in his bed, laying on his bare chest the next morning. He was still asleep. His brown curls were slightly messy but fell perfectly around his face. The way his head laid showed how nice his jawline was. His cute little nose wriggled for a split second in his slumber.  Wow, he’s so pretty. Holy shit . You thought. You just realized what had happened. You were laying in bed cuddling after having sex with your worst enemy. How in the hell did you let this happen? All the times you’ve said “fuck you” to Reid, this wasn’t what you meant. You were freaking out. You were completely, totally a mess. How did simply letting him sit with you at dinner turn into this? You didn’t want to date anyone, especially not Reid. You vowed to yourself you wouldn’t fall in love again, you wouldn’t get your heart broken again. Nobody is gonna get the chance to hurt you like that again, not even Reid. But you knew damn well he wouldn’t see this as just a hook up. 

You felt his body shift underneath your head. He opened his eyes and was immediately beaming at you.

“Good morning.” He whisper sweetly.He stared, completely admiring you. 

“Good morning.”

“After we get dressed I can make you breakfast.” He offered with those huge brown eyes once again staring into your heart.

“That’s alright, um, I should probably get going, I have some errands to do today.” You made an excuse to leave, as bad as you felt for it, it was much needed.

“Oh..” Reid said, hiding his disappointment. “Alright, um I’ll let you get dressed and get your stuff together then.” He climbed out of bed and exited the room for you.

As you dressed yourself and gathered your things, all you could do was freak out. You wanted to scream. You had no idea how to even act towards Reid now. You just needed to get away from him, you needed to think about things alone before you moved forward. You practically speed walked out his room making a b-line for the exit. 

“Um, good bye, Y/N. Thank you. For um...everything.” Reid said shyly causing you to stop and turn to face him. He looked so cute and childlike. 

“Bye Spencer, I’ll see you Monday.” You said with a sigh and finally left.

* * *

“Oh my god...” you said furiously as you stormed in to Garcia’s lair to rant to her and Morgan. Reid had really pissed you off this time. You couldn’t even stand to be in the same vicinity as him. “I’m gonna kill him. I’m about to go from catching murders to being one because of that son of a bitch.”

“Okay calm down sweetie, I don’t like seeing you angry, have a seat and tell us what boy wonder did. Oh and I have suckers, do you want a sucker?” Garcia muttered out as she looked at you with concern but still sweetness as she held out a basket of suckers in her hands. 

You took one, still though, you were so angry your face was as red as Morgan’s shirt. You were slightly shaking and were holding back the feeling of wanting to punch something. 

“Spill.”

“He tried to say I was dressed inappropriately and that my skirt is too short ‘by an inch’, so he went to Hotch about it and tried to get me in trouble like a two year old. The for the thousandth time, he told me I’m too stupid to be working here and I’m useless to the team. Then to top it all off, he purposely ran into me and made me spill coffee on myself, without even saying sorry.” You ranted loudly, you were on the verge of screaming because you were so infuriated. 

“Oh.” They both said simultaneously. What Reid had done was definitely bad, but he’s done way worse many times. They were a bit confused as to why you were so worked up.

“You know, I really thought this was over. thought we were on good terms now and had moved on from the stupid feud. But apparently not. I don’t understand. I’ve been so nice to him so why can’t he be nice back? Especially after Friday night. Apparently Reid didn’t appreciate that night at all.” You rambled with out even realizing that you revealed you were with Spencer on Friday.

“Ohhh, I see what’s happening here.” Morgan smirked. He and Garcia gave each other a smug look.

“Yep, it’s obvious that girl genius here has a crush on boy genius. You’re upset that he isn’t treating you like he did on your little date Friday. I can definitely talk some sense into him though, aw I can’t wait to see you little love bugs together.” Garcia squealed but you just stared at her in disbelief. 

“Woah woah woah, where did you get that from? I don’t like Reid and I sure as hell didn’t go on a date with him.”

“Don’t deny it, pretty girl, we know.” Morgan laughed. “He’s crazy about you too, you’re all he’s been talking about. Now that I think of it, it’s no wonder you fight so much, two words: sexual tension.”

“No. No no no. You e got it all wrong.” You said as you shaked your head vigorously. 

“Y/L/N and Reid settin in a tree...” Garcia started to sing.

“Penny! Will you stop that? I don’t like him.” You protested desperately. 

“K-I-S-S-I-N-G..”

“Oh they do more than kiss. You can’t lie about your feelings for him. Just date him already.” Morgan poked about you sleeping with Reid and you were pissed that he ran his big mouth about it. Is that all Reid ever did? He never shuts up. Could he have not just kept it between the two of you?

“He told you?” You shouted furiously. 

“Yup.”

“Oh my god...” You put you hands over your face. You’d never been so embarrassed.

“I’m proud that the kid finally got some action, especially from a hot chick like you. Now if you’d just date him already.” 

“Ugh. No. You don’t understand.” You muttered trying your best to be nice. You were now getting a head ache from all of this.

“I do. It’s not hard. You. Like. Reid.” He put emphasis on each word. You were starting to get fed up with them since you were already irritated to begin with. 

“You’re way off base. That was a mistake. I could never like Reid, he’s weird, a complete freak. Not to mention a douchebag. He sure doesn’t act like he likes me but even if he does, I don’t care. I will absolutely never want him. I fucking hate Reid.” You spat out with rage, having had enough of the teasing. You realized what you just done and felt bad for getting so angry with them over somethings small. You weren’t even sure why it was making you so mad. 

They both frowned at you deciding it was best to stop the teasing. They were truly hoping you did like Reid, they loved you both and wanted to see you finally get together. You didn’t care what they thought or what anyone thought, you couldn’t stand that man.

“Oh, Y/N, honey.” Garcia said with a sad look on her face as she played with your hair. “You don’t mean that. We all know you don’t. I know he upsets you a lot but you should just talk to him about it.”

“Yeah, have a little heart to heart. Communication. That’s the key.” Morgan said and then leaned in to whisper something. “I know you’re both capable of handling things like adults.”

“You guys are right.” You finally gave in. “Maybe I should talk to him.” 

“Aw yay! She’s finally coming around. Morgan were like Cupid except there’s two of working as a team.” Garcia squealed and you couldn’t help but laugh. She hugged you and you returned it with a big smile. They both really gave the best comfort and advice, you were lucky to have them.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Um I don’t know what this even is but here you go. Short chapter just cause I’m lazy for one, but two this one is a bit intense and so is the next but in a very different way, so I thought it was best to split them up. This is prolly the last chapter where there’s animosity between reader and Reid tho. Also little tiny bit of inspo from 10 things I hate about you. Hope you like it.

You strutted hastily in to the bullpen, making a b-line for Reid’s desk. You stood silently with your arms crossed waiting for him to look up at you. The second he noticed your presence, he tended up. He cleared his throat before looking up and whispering “what?”. You sighed, regretting even attempting to talk to him but continued anyways.

“We need to talk.” You said sternly. He didn’t respond, instead just looked at you blankly. You rolled your eyes. “Alone. Conference room, now.”

He looked anxious but hesitantly followed you anyways. He closed the door behind him and turned to find you looking very frustrated. He cocked an eyebrow, confused, waiting for you to speak. You truthfully weren’t sure what to say. You almost didn’t wanna say anything at all, you’d rather just give him the cold shoulder. You decided to man up though, spit it out. 

“I’m tired of this. I’m tired of you being an asshole to me. You’d think you would be nicer after what all I did for you Friday.” You were pissed off but still had a calmness about you, your voice remained level. 

“I’m not an ‘asshole’, you are. You’re an absolute nuisance to me.” Reid said in his little ‘matter of fact’ tone. It went straight through you.

“Are you kidding me right now? The only time I’m ever rude to you is when you provoke me. You always start it. What’s your problem with me?” You raised your voice as you took a step closer to him.

“I could ask you the same question?” He said nonchalantly. You weren’t about to okay this stupid little game.

“Don’t even try that. I’m the one who tries to be nice to you. Not the other way around, Spencer.” You fumed. Your eyes were starring into him like daggers. You were starting to get very angry.

“Only when nobody else is around.” 

You huffed in disbelief. You couldn’t believe he was trying to pull that. You couldn’t even find words. He just sat there and stared you down angrily, as if you were the one who did something to him. 

“I can’t believe you right now.” You scoffed. “That’s such a lie.” 

“No, you’re a little bitch who’s only cordial when she feels like it. You’re embarrassed of me, aren’t you? That’s why you’re only nice when nobody else is around, you’re embarrassed of liking the ugly guy, the freak.” Reid spat.

“Oh don’t even try to guilt trip me, you manipulator.” You accused. “I just treat you the way you treat me. Now answer my god damn question. What’s your problem with me?” 

“Everything. I can’t stand you. Nothing will change my opinion of you. If you can’t deal with that then you can quit this job. You’re useless here anyways.” He said through his teeth. You were very close to losing it, he was walking on thin ice now. 

“Great! I feel the same but I’m not gonna quit this job, sorry pretty boy.” You laughed in his face. “You know? Its funny you say ‘you hate me’ and ‘I’m useless’ but you were begging me to take your virginity a few days ago. That doesn’t matter though, I’m not gonna play your stupid games anymore. We’re not gonna keep doing this on and off thing. Hell, I don’t want you to even speak to me unless it’s absolutely necessary. You’re a complete douchebag and I’m not putting up with it anymore Reid. I hate you.” 

“No. You don’t want me to talk to you anymore because you don’t everyone else to see. You falsely believe you’re Mrs. Perfect. Because of your grandiose sense of self, your god complex. How could someone like you ever be seen with someone like me, right?” He was fuming, this was probably the maddest you’d ever seen him. It was nothing compared to how mad he just made you, you couldn’t hold back anymore. That was the last straw, you wanted nothing now but to get back at him for every nasty thing he’s said to you. 

“No, Reid. I don’t want anything to do with you because I hate you. I truly, genuinely despise you. I hate how you speak to me like I’m inferior to you, like I’m some piece of shit. I hate your stupid, gigantic ego. I hate how you correct everything I do. I hate how socially awkward you are and how you can’t make eye contact. I hate how you can’t act normal. I hate how you always dress like an old man, in your stupid cardigans and how your tie is always messed up. I hate the way you wear your watch over your sleeve. I hate how long your hair is. I hate how you always stutter and how you never understand jokes. I hate how annoying you are, how you never shut up and always rant about things nobody wants to know. I. Hate. You.”

You were screaming so loud that your voice was strained. The only thing is, that list of things you hate about him, slowly and subconsciously turned into things you secretly loved about him. He didn’t know that though. You words paralyzed him. He couldn’t find anything to say back and couldn’t even bring himself to move. You’d completely belittled him. You insulted every aspect of him. You could physically see you just made him self conscious. Yet you still had no clue how truly horrible you’d just made him feel about himself. You were too angry to think or care about his feelings in that moment. He finally broke his moment of paralyzation and spoke. 

“I know I’m bad but at least I’m not a heartless.” He spoke sadly and his voice cracked a bit. With that, he walked out of the room with tears in his eyes. You noticed once again, he was scratching furiously at his arm. As much as you hated to do so, especially because of how pissed you were in the moment, you still made a mental note of the odd behavior. 

You watched him exit the bullpen, you weren’t sure where he was going but it seemed like he was headed towards the bathroom. It didn’t take you long to realize you probably made him cry. You were starting to calm down but the last words he said to you replayed in your head along with the thought of him crying. You tried to push those thoughts away. It was well deserved and he can believe your heartless all he wants. 

You made your way back to your desk but before you even got there, Garcia passed you, informing you that there’s a case. A local one, which you were weirdly thankful for. During the briefing, you were told there had been two bombings. The team immediately started on the profile. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has a case in it. I’m not good at writing those so the case itself doesn’t have that many details. The purpose of the chapter gets across fine with out 500 case things. This chapter was gonna be longer but I changed my mind. I’m honestly kinda meh about this one though. I ramble in these notes longer than Spence does in the show, so anywaysssss, just enjoy.

You hadn’t spoken to each other the entire case so far. Spencer avoided you at all costs and thankfully, you hadn’t been paired to work together. You hadn’t been near each other until you had to ride in the same SVU to the building the unsub was targeting next. Once again, you were lucky enough to be up front while he was in the back. The separation felt necessary. Even though the rest of the team hadn’t picked up on it due to their focus on the case, the tension was incredibly worse than usual, it was almost unbearable. 

When you arrived at the scene, you immediately prepared to hunt for this man, loading your guns and throwing on bullet proof vests. The team split into two groups, one would take the left side, other the right. You were accompanied by Hotch, Prentiss, and Reid. God how you wish you weren’t with Reid not only because of your issues but because the guy has no idea how to carry a gun and sometimes (even though you shouldn’t) you questioned his field skills. 

When you reached the men’s bathroom, centered right in the middle of the building, you found the unsub with an activated bomb built in to a harness he was wearing. He just sat there with a smug little smirk on his face, so proud of the destruction he thought he was going to cause. There was no time to talk to him. There was fifty-two seconds left on the clock till detonation. Hotch, who was standing directly in front of you, called for an immediate evacuation of the building. As you’d expect, every cop, agent, and swat member, ran out of the building as quickly as possible.

You weren’t an exception. You had absolutely no thoughts in your brain except for focusing on getting out of there. You were paying any attention to anyone around you, you just ran. Even after you finally managed to exit the front doors, you still tried to get as far away as possible. You got about sixty feet away when the structure behind you exploded into a fiery mess of brick, smoke, and whatever all was inside. The closeness you were to the impact caused you and some others to be knocked down. You hit your head as you went down and lied there, half conscious. 

Not but about a minute after, you started to gain some clarity and strength to lift yourself off the ground. You turned to to look at the demolition around you. It was so much to take in that it hard to process at first. You were almost in disbelief that you just experienced such a thing.

Your head wasn’t as foggy as it was before, your thoughts were now coherent. You found your team gathered by one of the SUVs and went to join them. 

“Hey, you alright?” Emily asked the second you arrived. 

“Yeah I’m fine, what about you guys?” You replied. 

“We’re okay too.” She answered with a smile and the group continued there conversation about where to go from here. 

You were extremely relieved to hear that, it took a little bit of weight off your chest. Something still felt a bit off though. You couldn’t shake the feeling that something just wasn’t right. You started to look around at everyone. Hotch, Morgan, Emily, and Rossi all stood by you. You could see JJ out from this group, talking to some officers. Seemed normal enough. You kept looking around and your mind finally came to a “huh?” moment because you didn’t see Reid. 

“Where’s Reid?” You whispered to yourself but it was still loud enough for everyone else to hear. They all turned to stare at you, your face was twisted in deep thought. Then it hit you. That’s what was wrong. He was missing. 

“Where’s Reid?!” You started to look around for him and then realized he didn’t come out with you. “Oh my god! Reid’s still in there! He never came out!” 

You started to panic. Your mind became completely unaware of its surroundings, only worry for Spencer was occupying it. You had even realized your teammates were trying to speak to you. Not a single logical idea came to your mind, it didn’t matter because at that moment, you were in such a state of panic you couldn’t decipher between logical and illogical. Without even thinking you headed straight for the burning building. You didn’t care what would happen, you needed to find him. Apparently that wasn’t going to happen though because a large man stepped in front of you and gripped you strongly. 

“You’re not going in there, are you insane?” Hotch scolded you as he held you back.

“Let me go! Hotch, he’s still in there! Reid is still in there! Someone needs to help him! I need to help him! Let me help him!” You screamed while you were beating on Hotch’s chest. You were praying to God that he was okay, that by some miracle there was nothing wrong. Tears started streaming down your face as you finally gave up on fighting Hotch. He pulled into a hug in an attempt to comfort you. 

“He needs help.” You whispered. 

“Help is in there searching already.” 

“I’m scared. What if he’s not okay?” You looked up at the man, the look in your eyes was heart breaking. Your boss had never seen you show this much emotion before.

“I’m scared too. We can’t think like that though. He’s probably fine.” He tried to reassure you but it didn’t work.

“You don’t know that, what if he’s not? The last thing I said to him was how much I hate him. The last moment I shared with him, I hurt him, I made him cry. ” Your voice cracked and you started to sob uncontrollably.

“Y/L/N, that’s not going to be the last moment you share with him. He’s gonna come out of there alive and he’ll be taken care of. I’ll make sure of it. Right now though, getting upset is not going to help anyone. Pull yourself together, doctor. Can you do that for me?” 

You shook your head ‘yes’ as you wiped tears and running mascara from your cheeks. “Yeah, I can do that.” You sniffled.

It had been about twenty-five minutes and the fire fighters still had not excited the building nor had Spencer. You were trying your best to stay calm, but just standing around waiting, left with only your worries, had you on the verge of a breakdown. A million thoughts of only Spencer were running through your mind. Every good and bad memory you had of him. All the little things you notice he does. The sweet sound of his laughter that you so desperately wished you could hear right now. The way he gets flustered and nervous so easily but it’s the cutest thing ever. How he can be so pure and playful sometimes, that it’s almost childlike. Each and every reminiscence just made you realize how much you needed him there by your side. How lucky you were to have him, even if it was on and off. Yet you were stupid enough to not only totally push him away, but also hurt him. You weren’t sure if it was just situational or genuine or maybe both but you missed him, you just wanted to be with him. 

Your train of thought was broken when you felt a hand on your shoulder. You turned to find Morgan looking miserable as well as frightful. You simply frowned at him before giving him a silent hug. You both needed the comfort right now. Reid was his best friend and your...well, you weren’t sure what he was to you but you cared about him and that’s all that mattered. 

You broke the hug and your eyes fell down the street. There was a figure walking out from behind a neighboring building, two down from the one that was bombed. You squinted, trying to make out what kind of person would be coming from such an odd place. You moved to where you could see better, they were heading towards the crime scene. Your face was scrunched in confusion as you walked closer to get a better look at who this was. Suddenly, you froze in place, your eyes widen and you let out a sigh of relief. You knew exactly who that was. 

You ran out into the street to meet Spencer with open arms. He was covered in a bit of dirt and dust, and his hair was more of a mess than usual. He had a little scratch on his cheek but he seemed fine. You hugged him so tightly, it freaked him out for a second, but you didn’t care. You never wanted to let go. You started crying once again, but it was tears of happiness this time. He simply looked down at you and then wrapped his long arms around your waist. 

“You’re okay.” You exclaimed softly as you dug your head into his chest. “Thank god, you’re okay.” 

“Yes. I’m okay. I exited out of the back right before the explosion, I seem to have been the only one who chose that exit. Since I was still relatively close when it happened, I was rendered unconscious for a bit, I most likely have a concussion from how hard I hit my head but other than that, yes, I am okay.” He rambled nonchalantly and you couldn’t help but laugh. It’s so typical of him.

“Everyone has been so worried about you, Spencer. I was terrified that you were hurt or worse dead. You can’t just split up from us like that.” You confessed and lectured him slightly. He suddenly looked at you with a frown and furrowed eyebrows.

“Why were you terrified? I thought you hated me?” Reid spoke half heartedly, not even making eye contact with you.

You had forgotten about what you told him. You weren’t in the right setting to properly apologize and make amends, but you had to make due till you could make time for it. 

“I don’t hate you, Spencer. I don’t hate you at all.” Your voice was sad yet affectionate, you pulled out of the hug and put your hand on his arm, petting him softly. “Can we talk about all this later? Please? Right now, we have some things to take care of, like getting you checked out by the medics and letting everyone know you’re fine. I really do wanna talk about it though.” 

“Alright.” He half smiled and you locked arms with him as the two of you walked back to the crime scene. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, not gonna lie, I’m getting very tired of writing this. Ugh this is why I typically stay away from multi chapter fics, cause I always end up not wanting to finish them. I just started a new one shot tho so I might take a little break from this story and finish that other one first. I feel like these past two chapters weren’t as good so please forgive me if that’s the case. I’m trying but I’m still not 100% sure where I want this to go, all I know is that there’s gonna be smut. Also I have a lot with school and work so it’s harder to write right now. Anyways, enough of my boring ole note, now on to what you actually came here for. 
> 
> TW: drug addiction

A couple hours had passed, you had went to the emergency room with Reid so he could get CAT scans of his head. He was right, he had a minor concussion. You insisted on giving him a ride home after you’d finished up in there. Despite the horrible events you’d experienced earlier in the day, the car ride was nice, fun even. You were having a good time with him even though it was something so simple. You walked him into his apartment, still deep in conversation until you realized it was unfortunately the end of your night. You said your goodbyes and went to exit but turned back around towards him.  
  


“Reid, why can’t things be like that all the time? Why are you always so mean to me?” You asked half out of curiosity and half because you truly did want your dynamic to be this good all the time. 

“I’m not...we just...um...we have our differences sometimes.” He lied, looking down at his feet as he fiddled them. He was anxious. This was a conversation he wasn’t ready to have.You crossed your arms and gave him one of those looks that said ‘really?’ because you were trying to be serious. He did nothing but bite his lip. 

“Since the moment I started working here, you’ve treated me like dirt. How do you think that makes me feel? I’m still really young, fresh out of college, and I come in to a harsh adult environment and immediately, an older guy starts to bully me. Why do you wanna be that way?” You said in a hurt tone.

You stared intensely at him as he searched for an answer, his face was completely guilt ridden. He paused as if he was debating on whether or not to answer. His was fiddling with the bottom of his sweater, rubbing it between his index and thumb. Another one of his nervous tics. You were starting to get annoyed at the fact that he hadn’t said anything. You were becoming inpatient with him and started tapping your foot, prepared to speak up again.

“It’s partially because I’m jealous.” Reid confessed quickly and nervously, then licked his lips. “I’ve always been the smart guy, the genius, the youngest on the team. Then you come in and you’re younger, my only friends start liking you better, and you’re just as smart as me. My intelligence is the only thing I’ve ever had to be confident about and it felt like you were taking it from me. It angered me because you’re not just smart. You’re beautiful, athletic, funny, and outgoing. You have all the social skills that I don’t, it’s always been hard for me to make friends or even just talk to people but everyone likes you the second you meet them. You’re so perfect but I’m nothing like you. I still can’t comprehend why someone as amazing as you would have sex with me. There’s nothing likable about me. I wish I could be like you. Basically, the truth is, it’s not that I don’t like you. I just don’t like myself.” 

After his finishing he looked ashamed of himself. Not only that, but he looked sad and broken. Years of pent up insecurity just spilt out of him. This whole time, his ego was just a front. This poor man absolutely hated himself. It finally hit you that Spencer was never a bad guy, he’d just been hurting.

“I’m sorry Spencer. I didn’t know I made you feel that way. You shouldn’t be jealous of me though. I don’t get why you think I’m so special. I’m nowhere near as bright as you.” You laughed even though it was the truth. “Your IQ is 187 and you can read 20,000 words per minute for god sake. You’re the smartest person I’ve ever met but no, that’s not your only good quality. I can’t understand why you think so poorly of yourself because you’re so amazing. I’ve always thought that and I’ve wanted to be friends with you so badly. Actually I’ve wanted to be more than friends. You’re the one who’s perfect, not me. You’re the handsome one with the beautiful brown eyes. You’re the one with a heart of gold, who’d do anything for someone he loves. You’re so gentle and light spirited, you always put on a smile no matter how bad things are. No matter how mad you’ve always made me, I’ve still always loved the way your eyes light up and the excitement in your voice when you share facts. You have the most beautiful mind and soul. Spencer, I know I said I hated you but I think I actually love you.” 

You smiled at him, even though there where tears in your eyes. You were completely vulnerable in this moment because you just poured your heart out. You hoped revealing your true feelings would make him feel better. 

“You do?” He said with disbelief.

“Yes! Honestly, I think I’ve just been scared to let myself fall for someone again. I can’t hold it back anymore. I wanna be with you, Spence.” 

“I do to. I just let everything else get in the way. I’m sorry.” Reid’s voice cracked as he spoke. 

“Who would’ve thought this whole time we’ve been crushing on each other? A little jealousy was all that was holding us back from being together.” You attempted to joke but he frowned. You fretted that you said the wrong thing. 

“That’s not the only reason...” He whispered very quietly.

“What?” 

“That’s not the only reason I’ve treated you so badly.” He repeated, his eyes were watering. You were confused yet intrigued by what else it could be. “I’ve been having problems with my mood, like being irritable and controlling my temper, for a while now. It’s um.. i-it’s because I’m um...I’m sorry it’s just hard for me to talk about, I haven’t even told anyone on the team yet.” He struggled to get his words out as a tear slid down his cheek. 

“It’s alright.” You said comfortingly, trying not to show how worried you were because you didn’t want to overwhelm him. You knew it had to be bad if he hadn’t told anyone else yet. 

“Before you joined the team we had a case in Georgia. I was um...I was taken hostage. Our unsub suffered from multiple personality disorder. Depending on who he was at the moment, determined wether he’d torture me or treat me as a friend. Well um...he..he um...” Reid stopped. He didn’t want to say it. He was ashamed, especially to tell you. You glared at him with soft, caring eyes, silently letting him know it was okay to go on.

“He injected me with drugs... dilaudid...to make me ‘feel good’ and um...I craved it. I-I got hooked on it, I was an addict. I knew I had to get sober so I’ve been working on it, I’ve been going to self help groups. The withdraws were horrible and caused me to have mood swings. I still get cravings sometimes that make me irritable like that. I’ve made it through though. I’ve been sober for four months, fifteen days, and six hours.” He smiled sadly.

“It’s hard because I still want to use sometimes. It takes the pain away, you know? That’s why I got hooked on it, it made me forget for once, forget all the bad things. I know I can’t anymore though, I’ll never pick up a needle again. Just please don’t tell anyone. Nobody else knows and I don’t want to disappoint anyone more than I already do.” He had two streams running down his face and the most pitiful frown. He was broken.

“Oh god, Spencer.” That was all you could manage to choke out as you embraced him tightly. He buried his head into your shoulder and started crying harder. You felt his skinny body tremble in your arms. You, yourself had a few tears running down your cheeks because you felt so horrible for him. Seeing him like this gave you chills, it pained you deeply. “It’s okay, I’ve got you, it’s all gonna be okay.” 

You rubbed your hand up and down his back, while the other was wrapped tightly around his waist. Your heart was physically hurting for Spencer. He’d been struggling, no, drowning. Yet he’s went through it all alone, not a single person has helped him. You didn’t care about him taking things out on you. If it somehow gave him relief, somehow eased his pain, then it was worth dealing with. You just wished you’d known before. You wished you would have seen the signs so you could help.

You pulled away slightly, just enough so you could look at him. You cupped his cheek with you hand and wiped his tears with your thumb as he sniffled.

“Hey. Listen to me. You know you’re the strongest man I’ve ever met right? And you know that I’m proud of you, even if I just found out, I’m so proud of you for getting clean. You don’t have to do this alone anymore though, I’m here. Whenever you need me, I’ll be right by your side, I promise. Okay?” 

“Okay.” He said with a smile. 


	7. Chapter 7

Hey y’all, I know I haven’t updated in forever and I’m sorry but if I’m being honest, I’m not sure if I will. I don’t wanna abandon this fic completely but one I’ve been superrrr busy, and two, I’m so frustrated with the way I chose to go about writing it. In my eyes it had great potential but I ruined it and now I’m like “ugh” when I think about it. But maybe soon I’ll finish it or at least just add another smut chapter. Till then, I have some other fics in the works that you guys will hopefully check out when I post. Sorry again!

**Author's Note:**

> Okay so as I mentioned before, I’m not too confident about this one. A review telling me how it is would be very much appreciated!


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